The Hygienically Challenged

I’m picky and I’m stuck in my ways, I can admit that. There are certain things that I do systematically each night, and typically I’ll never forget to do these things (well unless large amounts of alcohol are involved). A few of these things have been ingrained in me since I was a kid. If they weren’t done before it was time for me to go to bed, my parents would not be pleased. I remember a few times when I was waken up out of my sleep only because they found out certain things weren’t done. Yes, my parents were drill sergeants, but they instilled a few things that I still follow to this day.

What you’re about to read may shock and amaze you.

I’m sure you won’t believe it once you find out what it is I’m referring to.

Ok, I’m sure the suspense is getting to you.

Ok. Come closer to the monitor so I can whisper it into your ear.

Every night before I go to bed, I make sure I brush my teeth and take a shower!!

Unbelievable isn’t it?

Yeah, I don’t find it to unbelievable either. If I’m not mistaken, I always thought people were supposed to do that. But a few times recently I’ve been proven wrong. I remember speaking to someone last week, and I asked them if they showered before they went to sleep at night. They said no. I was a little put aback. I’m just saying, after a long day out at work, in the environment, around germs, why would you not take a shower? Why would you get into a bed with a days worth of funk on you?

By all means, if I’m being too picky, let me know. But when I ask a man that question, and he tells me that he doesn’t take a shower before he goes to bed, all I can think to myself is, “You’re not getting your funky ass in my bed!” It’s a huge turn off and once I’m turned off, there’s no turning me back on.

So I’ve covered the fact that I feel people should shower before going to sleep.  I’m not sure about all of you, but I was taught that you’re supposed to brush your teeth before you go to bed as well. I have an ex, who shall remain nameless, who NEVER brushed his teeth before he went to sleep. I questioned him several times why wouldn’t he brush his teeth, and he gave me an answer that I would expect from a 3rd grader,

 ”Well, when I wake up my mouth will have germs in it anyways…”

DEAD SILENCE

This was a 34 yr old man telling me this bullshit! So he thought after eating food, breathing in pollutants, he didn’t need to brush his teeth at night?  Eventually he learned that not brushing his teeth at night meant not kissing me either. He thought I was joking. So sorry for him, but I wasn’t.

Now, like I stated above, there are exceptions to the rules. Usually with me, those exceptions involve alcohol and/or heated moments of passion. I understand sometimes you can’t make it to the shower, especially when your tongue is already down someones mouth, but keep in mind a couples shower might stir up the passion even more!

Please tell me I’m not the only one with hygiene pet peeves? Maybe I really am OCD, as someone recently called me.

Tags: black, chick, fungke, fungke blak chik, fungke chik, fungkeblakchik, hygiene, pet peeves