If Loving You Is Wrong

October 5, 2008

………I don’t wanna be right! Luther, Luther, Luther (Ingram, not Vandross), I swear, you wrote that song with me in mind, even though it was YEARS before I was even born. I’m sure everyone has had one of those instances once or twice during their life, where you know that the person you are madly in love with:

Doesn’t love you back
Doesn’t even know how you feel about them
Isn’t the right person for you or….
Takes advantage of your feelings

I am by far no relationship expert, and have never claimed to be. I’ve just had my share of good and bad relationships. I chalk up the bad ones as lessons in life and tend to think everything is a learning experience. I’ve loved hard and hated even harder at times. I’ve been the other woman, confronted the other woman, confronted the girlfriend when I was the other woman, been confronted by the other women, etc..etc..been there done all of those, got the t-shirt.

On the flipside, I’ve lied, I’ve cheated, I’ve played the same games men have played on me. I took notes early on, when watching how my uncles operated in their relationships. I guess you can say, they taught me the tricks of their ‘trade’. My grandmother used to tell me that I thought like a ‘man’, but I always took that as her way of asking if I was a lesbian..lol. When I look back at the times I cheated in two of my relationships, I asked myself if it was worth it. I can honestly say, physically, yes it was worth it, but emotionally, it wasn’t.

I remember one occasion in particular, where I felt so guiltly about cheating on someone that at the time, his friends were throwing him a birthday party in NYC, and he was so excited that I would be there, but I didn’t show up. He never heard back from me again. It wasn’t until 3 years later, that I got the balls to apologize to him. The hurt that was still in his voice after talking about the day I never showed up to his birthday party, will always remain in my head.

When I think about it, I don’t know what’s worst, being the cheater or being cheated on. I guess each takes it’s toll on a person differently. Needless to say, I am by no means ever going to be the ‘perfect’ woman in a relationship, or find a man who’s remotely near perfect. I think all of my karmic dues have been paid in full, so hopefully nothing will come back to bite me in the ass again! Maybe one day, I can rewrite Luther’s song and make it my own, “Loving You Is Right, It’ll Never Be Wrong”

Luther Ingram~ If Loving You Is Wrong

(although he was singing about his extra-marital affair, the song is universal to all types of relationships)