‘Twas Two Nights Before Christmas

I swear, I’ll be glad when this holiday season is over with.

I used to appreciate the fact that I live practically across the street from a mall, that is until the holiday season approaches. I’m starting to realize that people loose all sorts of common sense this time of year. They don’t know where they’ve parked their cars in the lot, so while you’re driving slowly behind them hoping to get their space, they stop dead in their tracks and walk two aisles over.  Yesterday I was on the phone with a friend, and he had the nicest disposition as he was waiting patiently in his car for someone to walk by and he politely asks where they’re parked.

Me?

I tried that shit today.

DOUBLE, QUADDRUPLE F*CKING FAIL!

I politely asked a woman, if she was parked near by and this b*tch responds with, “Why do you want to know?”. After that I was done. It took every ounce of me not to respond back rudely. So after 20 minutes of parking lot space pimping, I finally found a spot.

I’m in and out of the mall in about 20 minutes flat, and I head to the game store to pick up some Xbox games for the kid. I walk in and there’s about 30 people in line and only one cashier. I figured by the time I find the games I’m looking for, the line wouldn’t be so long.  About a half-hour later, the same person is still being helped. So I make my way to the back of the line and attempt to wait patiently and figured I’d spend some time on twitter. I’m standing there for about 5 minutes and this putrid funk rapes my nostrils. The guy in front of me smelled like 3 day old sauerkraut that’s been left out sitting in the sun. I felt the wave of nausea hit me, so I pulled out my hand lotion and took a whiff of it, just so I could mask the smell. No sooner than doing that,  what looks like the missing members of Onyx walks up behind me. Black hoodies, black jeans & black boots. Now, I’ve already smelled the man in front, but now, here’s a whole different smell coming up from behind. Jesus, help my nostrocities, is all I could think. I literally stood there holding my fingers to my nose, so I could get a better smell of my lotion.After about 30 minutes in line, it’s finally my turn. I swear I made like Flo Jo and ran out of that store to get a breathe of fresh air!’Free at last, free at last!

Needless to say, another holiday of hustling and bustling, all I ask is that no one gives me a fruit cake & that my son stops begging for egg nog.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

All I want for Xmas is..

SNL A Special Christmas Box – Watch more Free Videos
My favorite “Malcolm In The Middle” episode, “Hall’s Christmas”

Tags: christmas, fungkeblakchik, malcolm in the middle, parking lots, twitter, [fung'ke] Shopping