Men Who Think Their Sh*t Doesn’t Stink

Dear Men Who Think Their Sh*t Doesn’t Stink:

Let me be first to say it does. It can smell as bad as a NYC garbage barge floating down the Hudson River on a 95 degree summer day! So Steve Harvey writes a book about relationships (yeah, I’m not finished with him yet), and now men every where are yelling at the top of their lungs about how they’re the most simplest creatures around, blah blah blah and that they’ve been saying these things Steve has written about FOREVER. Well damn, if that’s the case, will someone tell me why are there so many single men & women out there.

I’ll just pause and wait for an answer.

(insert the sounds of crickets chirping)

I think I have a simple answer.

Some men are simple minded and  simply full of shit and greed.

Even Steve Harvey was probably once in that category as well, considering he cheated on his 2nd wife with his current wife. Before people jump down my throat and call me a man basher, the operative word is SOME and I can only speak on my experiences (god forbid someone starts to think I’m actually giving relationship advice). Just last week, I explained my definition of women who suffer from what I like to refer to as “Helen Keller Syndrome“, so needless to say, I think I fairly cover both bases when it comes to men & women.

The “some” equals those men who continually talk about how they can’t find a good woman, someone to support them and have their back 24/7, but when they find that woman, the one who’d stick with them through thick & thin, their ‘ride or die’ chick, their greed gets the best of them.

Greed, in my opinion, is what leads men to cheat. It’s the whole ‘grass is greener’ phenomenon. Some men are never satisfied with what they have, so they look elsewhere. Of course the grass is greener, when it’s being fertilized with bullshit. What I find even more hilarious are the double standards that some men continually reinforce. I forgot what rapper said they wanted a “lady in the streets, but a freak in the sheets”, but god forbid a woman professes her ‘not so ladylike’ side, she is quickly given ‘ho’ status from men.

For example, imagine you were in this scenario:

You have a man & woman, who have been intimate together for a while, but not in a committed relationship. They’re both out together doing some random shopping at Target. The man heads to the prophylactic aisle, and picks up a box of condoms. Now, the woman remembers about two-three weeks before while they were out shopping that he purchased a box then as well and she thinks to herself, “well damn, how many women is he really dealing with?”, considering the both of them only had sex twice between these two shopping excursions. Now considering they’re not in a committed relationship, she didn’t bother to even speak on that subject, but kept in the back of her mind. A few days later, in the middle of a discussion, the guy in question, actually comes out of his face to say that if he knew a woman he was with was having sex with multiple partners, he would automatically put her in  ’ho’ status and look at her differently.  But yet in still, it’s ok for him to keep buying boxes of condoms and sowing his oats, because he’s a man. GTFOHWTBS!

Now, here we are at the classic double standards that some simple minded men tend to keep. I truly think some men don’t know what they want & don’t know how to give what they want in order to receive what they want. Rest in peace, to the art of reciprocation. Last week I made mention of the chick from DC who was featured on the Oprah episode with Steve Harvey. You know the one who said she’s staying a virgin until she’s married & feels that it’s ok to receive oral sex and not return it. Well, after thinking again about her situation, all I can say is more power to the dirty virgin! Now, what I do find it hard to believe is that the dirty virgin has never performed oral sex on a man. What I choose to believe is that, just possibly she has, and it wasn’t reciprocated, which has helped form the beliefs that she’s presently holding on to. I think when people get tired of not receiving reciprocation, their whole attitude can change, and I think this is what happened to her. So if she’s finding men, who are willing to please her & not look for reciprocation, congratulations to her & her jaws!

It’s funny since living in the MD/DC area, I’ve dated all types of men. Everyone from high-level executives, attorneys, military officers, government, every color of collar there is. I’ve had relationships where I thought everything was going well, until I got the infamous “this just isn’t working” phone call. To the ones where I’ve unknowingly been the other woman and the one time  I had to confront the other woman. I’ll even say this, yeah, I’ve cheated before. Why? Because I was greedy and knew I could get away with it. In all of these situations, I truly think it came down to what a person could get away with and the fact that they were greedy. My grandmother always said, a man’s eyes is always too big for their stomach and I tend to believe that’s true. 

My main problem with some men, is that most of the time, they don’t say what they really want. If you just want sex, let a woman know. Who knows, she may be down for that. Why waste a persons time & lead them on, with promises of a relationship or allude to the fact that is what you want in the long run. If you don’t have the balls to say it in person, shit, send an email, send a text message, who cares how the message is conveyed, just as long as it is been received.

So men, if you want to be labeled as ’simple’ creatures, here a few simple things that could probably help you out:

A. Simply be honest

B. Simply learn the act of reciprocity

C. Simply say what you want & mean what you say

D. Simply treat a woman the same way you’d want your mother, sister or daughter to be treated.

It’s that simple. When you cut out the bullshit and rigmarole, then maybe one day I’ll truly believe men are ’simple’ creatures, with simple wants & needs. Until then, I’m just left to believe some are just simple-minded.

Sincerely,

Someone who has smelled her fair share of shit.

Tags: act like a woman, act like a woman think like a man, blak, cheating, fungke, fungkeblakchik, garbage barge stink, men who think their shit doesn't stink, simple minded men, steve harvey, think like a man