The Face Only A Mother Could Love

(warning, this blog is filled with facial slurs, the easily offended, should exit now)

I’m sure everyone has seen the movie “The Goonies” and recognize the face above as the character “Sloth”. If you remember from the movie, “Sloth” was basically kept in a dungeon away from the rest of his family, while they did their dirty deeds. Although he was treated like a leper, I’m sure his mother still loved him to death. I mean, I’m sure his mother was able to look past the obvious aesthetically challenged exterior, because deep down inside he had a heart of gold.

Well thank god for mothers.

For the record (before an ugly person gets upset & tries to sue me), I don’t go around making it a habit of calling people ugly. Well at least not out loud. Maybe just in my head, so they can’t hear me. I also try to never use the word ‘ugly’ to begin with. Occasionally, I try to be politically correct (well not that often) so I use the term “aesthetically challenged”. 

For those people who say they’ve never called someone ugly, oh, I mean aesthetically challenged, I’m just going to call you a liar. Whether you said it in your head & kept it to yourself, it has happened. Now I’ll be the first to say, that I by no means could ever pass for a supermodel. No one has never mistaken me for Tyra Banks (well maybe my forehead) or Naomi Campbell (I have hit someone with a cell phone before), so I’m not in any way trying to come off as some pundit on ugliness, who’s been called beautiful every day of her life.

A few days ago, I was in Fredericksburg, VA hanging out with a friend of mine at Bonefish Grill. At the table next to us was a couple and their baby. When our waitress arrived at their table to take their order, she happened to look at the baby, and all she could muster was an “Awwwww”.  Right then and there, I knew that ‘awwww’ stood for, “wow, that’s an ugly baby”. When the waitress came back to our table, I asked her about her ‘awwww’ remark. 

“Well, uh, he’s interesting looking”, said the waitress.

If the words ‘interesting looking’ have ever been used to describe you or your baby, chances are, you’re part of the “aesthetically challenged” crew. 

Also, I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve dated some men who I’ve considered ‘aesthetically challenged’ in their own special way. Some may have had an Igorish look to them, but it’s the personality that counted more than anything (and the size of their…well..nevermind).  I’ll easily make exceptions for the varying degrees of aesthetically challenged’ness, before I make exceptions on height, weight & their dental issues. 

I’m sure everyone has heard of the “Butter Face” phenomenon. Everything looks good, but’her face. Well there really should be an “butthis face” equivilent.  And I would like to nominate, Michael Phelps to carry on that title.

I mean look at his body, but his face is something that I’d have to throw a paper bag over, occasionally.  

In any event, I’m sure everyone by now is going to throw around the old cliche, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder…..”. Well sure, I can agree with that. 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but who wants to be-holding a badger.

Tags: aesthetically challenged, beauty, blak, but her face, but his face, facial slurs, fungke, fungke blak chik, fungkeblakchik, michael phelps, sloth