Allen Payne’s Taco Meat and Tiger Woods’ Hairy Nipples

Sure, that’s the Vanity Fair cover of Tiger Woods, but right now, I’m going to wax poetic about the crush I had on Allen Payne when I was younger. Unlike most people, I didn’t see New Jack City, until later on in life, only because I was never a fan of Wesley Snipes, so by the time I caught notice of Allen Payne, it was during his stint as “Lance” on The Cosby Show & A Different World.

Then there was Jason’s Lyric.

One hundred and nineteen minutes worth of Allen Payne.  Unfortunately after watching Jason’s Lyric, my crush was over.  Before Jason’s Lyric, Allen Payne could do no wrong, but that was before I discovered, he had more taco meat on his chest than Taco Bell.

taco meat: nappy, black, balled up hairs, which resemble crumbled ground beef, found on different parts of the body, i.e, chest, underarms, pubic area, back, ass, wherever.

I can’t stand a man with taco meat on his chest.  So before I even get to the point where I see a man without his shirt on, I do a thorough inspection of his arm hair, leg hair & the hair on his head (the one attached to his neck).  If by chance, I suspect taco meat, I find a way to bring the body hair issue into the conversation, just to let them know, that either they better have smooth, curly or no chest hair at all. Thankfully so far I’ve been lucky in the chest hair department when it comes to men, I’m not sure how I’d ever react if I saw taco meat in person, it was bad enough seeing it on Allen Payne.

Yesterday, Tiger Woods’ Vanity Fair cover made it’s way around the internet. Apparently, the photos were taken a while ago, before the ‘car accident’ and his philandering ways were exposed. The cover was shot by photographer Annie Leibovitz, who referred to Tiger as being, “…an intensely competitive athlete—and quite serious about his sport. I wanted to reveal that in these photos. And to show his incredible focus and dedication.”

Focus and dedication is what she wanted to show in his photos. She forgot to mention his hairy nipples.

I’m not sure what’s worse, taco meat or hairy nipples. Now I’ll have Tiger’s hairy nipples etched in my mind forever.  Just like how I forgot about how fine Allen Payne was before I discovered his taco meat, years down the road, I’ll forget about Tiger’s harem of white women and cheating with high paid prostitutes, and marrying a nanny. What I won’t forget is the fact that he has hairy nipples. I wonder he liked them tweaked? I’m sure he does, just as long as no hair is being pulled, it is a highly sensitive area. Also, before I forget, he looks like a total douche bag on the cover.

Tags: allen payne, blak, chik, fungke, fungke blak chik, fungkeblakchik, hairy nipples, taco meat, tiger woods, vanity fair